Uggghhh, Yan Xun why, whyyyyy, whyyyyyyyy must you turn to the dark side! Okay, I know and understand (though I don’t approve of the reasons) the reasoning behind his actions, but boy did he made me both mad and upset for him. Chu Qiao was with him when he had nothing, when he could have died at any moment, yet he never completely trusted her. He doubted her, when he should have known that she of all people would never betray him. But noooooo, he must push her further and further away until she finally couldn’t take it anymore, and left him. That’s right, folks-who-didn’t-read-the-book-and-ignored-my-warning, Chu Qiao doesn’t end up with him. There was a foreboding foreshadowing near the beginning of novel that hinted that they were not going to end up together. I tried to ignore it, because I originally shipped them, but in the end, the warning came true.
He is one of the major reasons I left this book with heavy feelings, despite loving the guy she ends up with, Zhuge Yue. I could never really hate him, I’m just frustrated with him, as well as pity him. The pity comes from the fact that Chu Qiao could have really ended up with him. She accepted quite a few of his horrendous actions (a bit too quickly in fact, which made me sometimes believe, she was partly responsible for how he turned out the way he did), but he never stopped stabbing at the faith she had for him. The very moment he decided to use her to get to Zhuge Yue, was the final straw for her and me. I had already gave up on the ship the moment he left his people to die at Yan Bei to fight Xia. That action should be more impactful, and don’t get me wrong, it was, but for some reason, it didn’t hurt me or Chu Qiao as much as the moment he used Chu Qiao as bait. Maybe it’s because he eventually came back when he received the news that Chu Qiao refuse to leave and let Yan Bei fall. Or maybe it’s because all his actions added up together led to this one being unacceptable.
Despite jumping ships, the author never stopped twisting the dagger she placed in my heart. It was so much more painful knowing how happy they could have been together if he had trusted her and listened to her reasonable pleas. In the end, he not only got back his fiefdom, he also managed to make his own country (I think he got some of it or all of the land from Xia, the facts are a bit fuzzy), but he was never truly happy. Before she (the concubine) found out, fought and destroyed her face, Yan Xun made a maid at his palace his favorite concubine, despite everyone being against it, all because she resembled Chu Qiao. Yan Xun might not have though he was unhappy, but towards the end, he met Chu Qiao again after many years. When he turned his back to her and walked away, her name was being repeated in his mind over and over. He comforted himself, saying that she was just another woman, which can’t be compared to an entire kingdom. However the pain was there. Yan Xun lost the girl.
I suppose it’s one of those “the beauty or the kingdom” questions, and though normally I would totally be understanding to those choosing the kingdom (I mean think about all those lives that would be endangered if they gave up) and really hate it when the girl is conflicted with it, but Zhuge Yue really changed me around on that topic. He was faced with that same conflict, and when Chu Qiao asked him why he came back to save her, Zhuge Yue replied with a simple answer (paraphrasing here):
“A country, I can go back to conquer it again later, but once you are gone, I will never be able to get you back”
And this is why I love Zhuge Yue so much. He would never leave his people to die like Yan Xun did. He never stopped loving and caring for Chu Qiao. He gave her his trust, heart, protection, and freedom. Yes, he was a cruel bastard in the beginning, but he changed — he grew up into a better person and leader.
However, despite being firmly on the Zhuge Yue ship, Yan Xun will always leave me with a heavy heart. He was all alone in the end. So I really can’t stop pitying him. It doesn’t help that he could have met someone else. The queen he had, was someone he didn’t like and even hated, but we the readers knew that she was the best-friend and ally Yan Xun kept writing letters to. However, because she used another person’s name, and was indirectly involved with that person’s death, Yan Xun believed she caused his best-friend’s death. She was a strong and amazing ruler, but also just as lonely as Yan Xun, and just as deeply in loved with Yan Xun as he was to Chu Qiao. Frankly, she was wasted on him, and in the end, she died, and Yan Xun never found out his best-friend was by his side.
I don’t believe this bitter-sweet book would be less bitter if Chu Qiao stayed with Yan Xun, because I really like Zhuge Yue. There were other guys vying for Chu Qiao, and my heart ached for them too. Even though they never really hurt Chu Qiao, none of them made me feel as upset as Yan Xun did.